Miss Quote

Oh dear.

I’m afraid I’m going to have to interrupt my ‘Month of Brave’ blogging to tell you of a travesty of journalism that makes Jan Moir look like John Pilger.

For three days of the week I work in a part of London that is achingly hip (or maybe just ‘aching hips’ judging by the tightness of the men’s trousers).

I work in Brick Lane in the East End and East is currently the new West, innit?

You can’t pop out for a skinny-mocha-soya bean-latte-ccino without bumping into a pop star (the other week I saw Mika launching his new album from an ice cream van, which was like, totally rad, man) or tripping over an art display constructed out of like, rubbish and signposts and snot and stuff.

So the other week, when I was waylaid on the way back from Tescos – sorry The Big Chill Vibe Bar – by some ultra cool media student types asking me if they could interview me for their like, magazine I was only too happy to oblige.

They told me they were doing a special 1994 tribute edition and would like to ask me some questions about what I thought of the nineties.

I happily took the trip down memory lane and only had cause for a niggle of doubt when they got me to sign some kind of disclaimer at the end.

But they had been taping our conversation so I figured nothing much could go wrong.

Wrong!

What follows are their questions followed by my real answer and then the answer they actually printed. The title (and I honestly kid you not) is “How Do You Feel About, You Know, current Events and Stuff?”

Do you like house music or beery guitar music?

Real Answer: Beery guitar music. I did once go to a House club back in the 80s – I think it was called the Mud Club – and the owner used to stand by the door wearing a kaftan. He was a bit of a twat really.
Printed Answer: House all the way. I go to this club in London called the Mud Club, it’s really underground, and the guy that owns the club is always at the front door wearing a kaftan. It’s really cool but also kind of naff.

So no Britpop for you?

Real Answer: I loved Britpop – I was an Oasis girl, definitely not Blur. Once I went to see the Channel 4 show The White Room being filmed and afterwards my friends and I got into the VIP bar and met Oasis. My friend told Liam she thought he was cool. He told her to f**k off.
Printed Answer: It’s OK. My friend and I met Oasis once when they were on The Word. We snuck into the VIP bar afterwards and went up to Liam and Noel and said, “I think you’re really good!” Noel just went, “Fuck off!”

How do you feel about the rise of “ladette culture”?

Real Answer: Ah yes, I remember that. The likes of Zoe Ball and Sara Cox falling out of bars or tripping up the aisle clutching bottles of Jack Daniels.
Printed Answer: Me and my friends are into it. We drink pints and Jack Daniel’s and love hanging out in the pub.

As I said at the start – oh dear!