Because-tume Drama

Posted in Uncategorized on 03/08/2010 01:09 pm by siobhan

Because-tume Drama

I was recently giving my book a final edit before sending it to the publishers and I decided to make a change to the dialogue of the main character.

All through the book I had her saying ‘cos’ instead of ‘because’ but decided that actually it would work better if I reversed this.

So, in order to make sure I didn’t miss any, I used the ‘Find and Replace’ facility in Word and pressed ‘Find and Replace All’.

Sorted.

Or so I thought.

It was only when I carried on with my edit that I discovered the terrible truth.

The book is all about the production of a play. A play involving  a stage, a script, props and, of course, costumes.

Or ‘becausetumes’ as they had now become.

I was telling some writer friends about this at the weekend, hoping I’d get some sympathy, but oh no, all I got was hysterical laughter and really hilarious jokes such as: ‘good job the character didn’t play for the Broncos – or the Bronbecauses!’ ‘Good job she didn’t love cos lettuce. Can you imagine – “she made herself a bacon and because sandwich he he he!”‘

I nearly a-because-ted them, I can tell you!

I don’t know, sometimes it feels like all this modern technology that is meant to make our lives easier only ends up making it a whole lot more complicated. What say you…?

PS: HOROSCOPE WATCH – No shocking proposal so so far it’s one-nil to me. According to today’s stars my moon is ’sextile’ and therefore I’m going to be tying up some loose ends. Getting rid of all those ‘becausetumes’ perhaps?

 

Talking out of Uranus?

Posted in Uncategorized on 03/04/2010 01:46 pm by siobhan

Talking out of Uranus?

This morning, on a particularly tedious tube journey across London, I found myself reading the horoscopes in the free paper.

The following line in my forecast caught my eye:

‘Your personal life is subject to a proposal, which will shock even you!’

The first thought that entered my head was, could Neil Diamond be about to realise the error of his ways? Then various other, more x-rated visions started flitting before my eyes.

Let me tell you at this point that crowded tube carriages mid rush hour are not exactly conducive to fantasies of a carnal nature, unless of course you have a penchant for sticking your face in smelly armpits or being told to ‘mind the gap’.

Anyway, I then got to thinking that it might be fun to conduct an experiment. Every day for the coming week I am going to log down my horoscopes and report back on whether or not they come true. 

Off now to await my ’shocking’ proposal!

 

For Better or For Worse

Posted in Uncategorized on 02/28/2010 09:33 am by siobhan

For Better or For Worse

Six years ago I set up a new theatre writing initiative called Page 2 Stage.

The idea was to invite writers who were new to play-writing to submit short (10 minute) scripts and the winning entrants would then follow their work through every stage of development, culminating in a showcase performance by professional actors.

Over the years the project has grown and grown.

And this year has been by far the most ambitious creatively. 

Rather than ask writers to submit individual short plays, we asked them to write monologues from the point of view of guests at a wedding.  All the writers were told was that the bride was called Lisa and the groom was called Phillip.

We were inundated with entries – ranging from the bride and groom to their families and friends, and even the vicar and wedding photographer.

My two co-directors and I then set about weaving these monologues into one over-arcing story. And the result is a show called, ‘For Better or For Worse’.

Rehearsing a Dance Scene from the Disco

Rehearsing a Dance Scene from the Disco

The first act takes place in the church and the second in the wedding reception.

Audience members are going to be made to feel as if they are guests at the wedding also, with free bucks fizz and wedding cake and various other interactive elements.

All in all it has been a lot of work but loads of fun.

Due to the fun, interactive nature of the show we sold out almost immediately so now another night has been added this Thursday.

If you would like to come along please click here for more information.

All profits are going to the charity Happy Ever After and we are hoping to raise enough money to fund a year long literacy programme in Ghana for at least 60 people.

Hope to see you there!

 

Grooving at the Groucho

Posted in Uncategorized on 02/26/2010 02:08 pm by siobhan

Grooving at the Groucho

Last night I went to the Groucho. 

For the benefit of any overseas readers, the Groucho is a members-only club in London where you have to be extremely rich or extremely famous to join.

I am neither. I managed to sneak in below radar because I was there for a meeting.

I have to admit I was intrigued about what I’d find. And slightly wary. The idea of some kind of mutual masturbation society for luvvies didn’t exactly fill me with glee. But it was actually a lot of fun.

The minute you walk in the fug of self importance hits you like a cheap perfume. Loads of loud braying laughs and ‘look at me, aren’t I the dog’s wotsits‘ voices fill the air. As I made my way through the bar I actually heard the immortal line (in loud Sloaney accent), ‘But there just aren’t any blacks in Hampshire.’ 

A bit later on, on my way to the toilet, I encountered two well know TV presenters on the stairs. The poor loves were obviously suffering from terrible colds, judging by the amount of sniffing going on.

There was no sign of the renowned drug use in the toilets, however there was a bookshelf and two armchairs – which I thought was a nice touch.

On my way back up the stairs I coughed and a booming (incredibly posh) man’s voice called out from behind me, ‘how long ago did you stop smoking then?’

His tone was so familiar I assumed he must have been one of the members of my party.

‘Fourteen years,’ I replied turning to see a very dapper gentleman of about sixty. In my defence I should point out that he did look very like some of the men in my meeting (whom I had never met before that night!)

‘Oh dear,’ he said, drawing level with me and guiding me back into the main bar. ‘Could you cough again please.’

So I did as I was told and ended up coughing in the face of one of the stars of Gavin and Stacey who just happened to be sauntering past.

‘Hm,’ the man said. ‘It’s quite a dry cough, I think you’ll be all right. So, are you in showbiz?’

At this point alarm bells started to go off. Maybe he wasn’t one of my party after all?

‘I’m a writer,’ I replied. ‘Not exactly showbiz.’

‘How wonderful!’ he exclaimed with so much glee it was as if I’d just told him I’d found the cure for cancer. ‘And who is your literary agent?’

For a joke I gave him the name of one of the main characters in the book I’m currently working on.

The man actually took a step back in amazement. ‘That is absolutely incredible!’ he screamed. ‘You must come and drink some champagne with me.’

And with that he started moving me off in the direction of a more private bar at the back.

‘Well I’m actually here for a meeting,’ I began trying to explain.

‘I am a Harley Street doctor and I can diagnose many things just from looking at a person,’ he told me in a hushed voice. ‘I know that you are a mother and if you allow me to gaze into your eyes I will tell you exactly how many children you have.’

‘I have to go,’ I said, trying to make a break for it.

‘Wait,’ he commanded and stared into my eyes.

‘One child,’ he declared.

Correctly.

The Groucho is named after a Groucho Marx quote: ‘I wouldn’t join any club that would have me as a member.’

After last night I can kind of see why!

 

Exciting Times!

Posted in Uncategorized on 02/24/2010 06:49 pm by siobhan

Exciting Times!

In my writing career I have been lucky enough to have many exciting things happen to me.

I have been lucky enough to get not one but two literary agents. I have been lucky enough to get four book deals with major publishing houses. I have been lucky enough to sell the options for my first novel to a film producer and sit in a meeting where I was told that actresses like Kate Winslett would ‘kill’ to play the main character! (I had yet to learn that film producers can talk a fair amount of b*****ks!) I have been lucky enough to appear on national television and radio more times than I can mention. I have been lucky enough to acquire a German publisher. I have been lucky enough to receive amazing emails from readers all over the world. And I have been lucky enough to receive positive reviews for all of my books in the national press.

However, I have also experienced a rather more unpleasant side to the world of publishing.

I’ve experienced the pressures of living up to a publisher’s high expectations. And the crushing disappointment when they are not met. I’ve experienced the fear and isolation when your editor resigns and you are left to sink or swim on your own. I’ve experienced the frustrations of being given book covers that I didn’t feel represented the content of the book. I’ve experienced the shock of having a book published by a major publisher with no publicity or marketing budget.

And more recently I experienced the ‘delights’ of dealing with a publisher without an agent. This was with my first book for young adults, Dear Dylan.

Initially it all went really well. I had heard that a publisher was looking for new titles for their fiction list so I sent off the manuscript. It was the first publisher I sent it to.

Within a week I was offered a two book deal.

My agent doesn’t deal in children’s fiction so I decided to handle my own contract.

The contract I got was, quite frankly, an insult.

As soon as I compared it with my previous contracts from Random House and Hodder & Stoughton I realised that I was being offered way below the standard rates.

So I sent the contract back, amended in red, with what I thought I ought to be getting.

The editor immediately upped her offer. Quite dramatically.

But this all left me with a really bad taste in my mouth.

 Clearly the minute the publisher learnt I was representing myself they thought they would try it on. All the emails and phone calls I had received raving about how ‘fresh’ and ‘original’ my book was and how excited they were to have it, were seemingly forgotten. Author’s royalties are low at the best of times. To try and bring them down even lower was an absolute joke.

So I withdrew my book.

I wasn’t being a diva – it just didn’t feel right.

Then I sat on it for a while, trying to decide what to do next.

Today I made my decision. And I have to say it has been the most exciting and rewarding moment of my writing career to date.

I’ve decided to give the book away for FREE.

I wrote Dear Dylan after years of running workshops for teenagers and wanting to give them something that would help them through what can often be a challenging time.

I wanted to write a piece of fiction that teenagers could hopefully relate to and take inspiration from.

SO…

I have decided to self publish the book with a company called AuthorHouse and give it away for FREE as a digital download. Hopefully this way Dear Dylan can get to as many readers as possible. It would also be kind of fun to fully embrace the digital revolution that seems to have the traditional publishing world in a bit of a panic. And coming from someone who vowed she would never, ever part with her vinyl record collection this is set to be somewhat of a steep learning curve!

So now I feel like kind of like the Kevin Spacey character in American Beauty when he walks out of his job.

After years of worrying about keeping a publisher happy it is so liberating to say, to hell with it, I’m going to give the book away. And it feels very, very right.

The book is now being launched at the London Book Fair in April , where I am also guest speaking.

Exciting times indeed!

 

Pet Hates – the epilogue

Posted in Uncategorized on 01/18/2010 02:06 pm by siobhan

Pet Hates – the epilogue

I got all smug didn’t I?

After blogging about how I had the whole being able to read on trains without some eejit reading over my shoulder thing sussed I ditched my ‘How to Create the Perfect Murder’ tome for the slightly less sinister, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

And b***er me if, within ten minutes of my journey, some woman sitting next to me didn’t poke me in the arm and say, “excuse me, I hope you don’t mind me talking to you but I couldn’t help but notice what you were reading.”

Everyone on the EXTREMELY CROWDED carriage turned to look at this person who had dared to speak to a stranger on the Underground – the collective bating of breath was so huge the walls of the train actually quivered.

I turned to her and forced a smile.

“It’s incredible, isn’t it?” she continued – prompting everyone to turn their gaze upon the book in my lap.

“Yes,” I nodded.

“And so helpful if you’re going through a difficult time.”

The entire carriage proceeded to examine my face for signs of a mental breakdown.

“Hmm,” I replied, hoping that if I didn’t actually make eye contact with her she would shut up. But no, so excited was this woman to have found what she obviously deemed to be a kindred tortured spirit, she chattered on.

“It really helped me to deal with my abusive relationship.”

Great – now the whole carriage was examining my face for signs of bruising.

“I didn’t like that stuff he said about women’s periods though…”

Oh for god’s sake!

But there was no let up. “Do you think it’s right? What he said about periods?”

The whole carriage waited for my words of wisdom on the subject of menstruation, but unfortunately all they got was, “Oh – it’s my stop!”

 

Pet Hates…

Posted in Uncategorized on 01/15/2010 01:28 pm by siobhan

Pet Hates…

One thing I really, really hate is when people start reading my newspaper or book over my shoulder on the tube.

I don’t mind it so much when they do this subtly, keeping their head fixed firmly forwards whilst sliding their eyes at right angles down to your page. But it’s when they make no effort whatsoever to disguise their downright nosiness that it really gets my goat.

Of course, being British I am far to polite / uptight / stiff upper lipped to actually say anything to these over the shoulder violators, however I have recently happened upon the perfect solution, which not only ensures that no-one dare invade my personal space, it also seems to guarantee that I enjoy the luxury of an empty seat beside me for most of my journey.

Two weeks ago I purchased a ‘How To’ book to help with the re-write of my thriller. It is crammed full of juicy headings such as ’WHEN TO KILL VICTIM NUMBER ONE‘ and ‘DISPOSAL OF THE MURDER WEAPON.’

Now, the minute anyone starts craning their neck to get a better view of my reading material, rather than hug it to me as I used to, I very helpfully move it over until it is practically in their lap. Then I start muttering and giggling under my breath and uttering random words like, ‘blood’ and ‘die’. 

For some bizarre reason it works a treat!

 

New Year’s Revolution!

Posted in Uncategorized on 01/13/2010 04:19 pm by siobhan

New Year’s Revolution!

Okay, hands up who’s sick of New Year’s Resolutions already?

I am writing this blog using my Davina Mc Call DVD to prop up my computer keyboard whilst stuffing my face with a Cadbury’s Caramel so you can see just how well I am doing!

And as a subscriber to various Sort Out Your Life style websites I have recently been bombarded by newsletters and emails telling me exactly how to make the perfect set of resolutions.

‘Say good-bye to failure!’ they scream. ‘This year set goals you are bound to achieve!”

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve read about fat-burning exercises and fat-free diets to make your cellulite quiver. I’ve been told that this is the year my career dreams will finally come to fruition. I’ve been given endless tips on how to meet my soulmate, how to write a novel in a weekend and oh yes, along the way, achieve financial freedom.

I’ve been told how to turn previous ‘limiting beliefs’ into empowering paradigms ie; ‘Neil Diamond doesn’t even know I exist and I will die lonely and unloved clutching my copy of the Jazz Singer’ has now become, ‘I am loved by Neil Diamond in a way that poets can only dream of. I will die happy in the knowledge that Sweet Caroline was actually written for me.’ (Same initials people – come on work it out!)

Anyway, in a nutshell, we are 13 days into 2010 and I have new year’s resolution fatigue already. So if anyone else out there is feeling the same way, here are a set of ALTERNATIVE resolutions that I can guarantee you will keep:-

  1. I resolve to start treating my cellulite with a bit more respect. Wobbly fat has rights too. I hereby banish my body brush and promise to stock up on the sea of Easter eggs the stores have so kindly rushed into stock.
  2. Life is crap. And so are people. I resolve to write down all of my flaws on bits of paper and stick them around my home to remind myself never to fall prey to false hope or positivity.
  3. Exercise DVDs are the leading cause of living room related injuries. I resolve to burn any I might have accidentally bought in a wave of post Christmas guilt  and thereby avoid falling victim to the crippling ‘coffee table knee’ or ‘mantlepiece elbow.’
  4. Beat the winter blues by taking up smoking. If you already smoke – take up glue sniffing.
  5. Spend less time with family and friends (they probably all hate you anyway – see Resolution 2).
  6. Each month aim to increase your overdraft / credit card bill by at least 10% of your earnings. Get rid of any savings accounts. Saving is for wimps!
  7. Give less to charity – unless it is on your overdraft / credit card – in which case give more.
  8. Make 2010 the year you win demotion at work. No-one likes an office crawler and anyway excessive ambition has been linked to bizarre hairpiece wearing (see Donald Trump) and odd waistband activity (Simon Cowell).
  9. Abandon all hope of meeting your soulmate and avoid a lifetime of false expectation. There is a very good reason why 2 out of 3 marriages end in divorce and the remaining 1 in therapy.
  10. If you have read all of the above and still find yourself wanting to make positive changes to your life this year then I recommend you buy this one book. I bought a copy back in 1997 and it led to me achieving my dream of becoming a published author…

 

Out With the Old

Posted in Uncategorized on 01/01/2010 07:12 pm by siobhan

Out With the Old

So, how was it for you? 2009 I mean.

Many people I know seem to have had a very traumatic time of it last year.

Jobs, houses, relationships have all been lost. And dreams have dissolved into disappointment.

Personally I had the shock of my boyfriend’s cancer diagnosis plus the deaths of two family members to contend with. In 2009 my life felt like one of those snow storm toys – everything quiet and calm and just so at the very beginning and then someone or something came along and gave it all a massive shake up. I spent most of 2009 trying to find my way through the storm and wondering if things would ever return to ‘normal’ again. And every time it felt as if the storm was beginning to settle, something else would come along to shake things up again.

But the weird thing is that although 2009 was one of the hardest years of my life – it has also given me some of my most magical memories. Dealing with cancer up close and personal gives you a great perspective on things – it also makes you incredibly grateful for the things we can so often take for granted.

Back in March of last year my boyfriend was told he might only have two months to live. Fast forward to December and he was celebrating his birthday in true rock and roll style – and mirculously cancer-free – see below in the blue Everton shirt:

brighton

Okay, so he might have less hair than he used to, and his favourite tipple these days might be a carton of red grape juice rather than a bottle of merlot but he is STILL HERE. And miracles can and do happen.

One exercise I always do at the end of each year is to write down a list of all the things I’m proud of achieving in the preceding 12 months. It’s a great way to start a new year – reminding yourself of all the good stuff you’re capable of – and it really fires you up for those new year’s resolutions.

Personally I’m not a great fan of new years’ resolutions in the traditional sense – they always seem to be about deprivation – and at the grimmest time of the year weatherwise too!  I mean – is it really a good way to embark upon a new year – or in this case, a new decade – with a list of ways in which to make yourself miserable? I have it on very good authority that to give up chocolate in the winter months can lead to serious health complications and terrible mood swings!

However, I do believe that the new year is a great time to draw a line under the previous 12 months by writing down a wish list for the coming 12. What better way to see out the old (especially if the old has left you feeling  battered and bruised) than by looking forward to the new?

In my next blog I will be sharing some tips on creating a magical wish list for the coming year. In the mean time I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the messages of encouragement and support you have sent me via this website in 2009. The importance of friendship is definitely one of the most important gifts this past year has brought me.

And on that note I would like to leave you with a quote from Anais Nin which seems to sum up the gift of friendship so perfectly:

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”

Wishing you a new year filled with the love and laughter and support of friends…

 

Er hello??

Posted in Uncategorized on 12/07/2009 11:11 pm by siobhan

Er hello??

Oh dear, now where was I?

Okay, I know it’s been a while, all right, 5 whole weeks since I last blogged but this is what happens when you decide to embark upon a ‘month of brave’ – life goes a bit mental.

If I told you everything I’ve done this past month I’d have to kill you – or make you go and live in Grimsby or something – but edited highlights include:

  • Going on an ‘unleash your inner artist’ workshop and telling complete strangers my deepest fears.
  • Writing another 6 poems!!!
  • Going to a venue called Club Romance  – which truly was as scary as it sounds and if you don’t believe me check out the picture below…
Club Romance?

Club Romance?

  • Forming a secret writers’ society
  • Going on a ghost hunt
  • Going on my first ever writing retreat
  • Going to a Gay, Lesbian and Transfabulous Festival at the V&A and almost getting beaten to a pulp by a very butch lesbian (I thought they were all supposed to be sexy and into lipstick these days!)
  • Commissioning an artist to design the cover for my new book for Young Adults, Dear Dylan.
  • Deciding not to give up on my dream of writing a thriller and re-plotting my first draft.

And these are just the edited highlights! For anyone out there who is thinking of embarking upon their own ‘month of brave’ (basically all you have to do is one thing that scares or challenges you every day for a month)then please don’t be put off by the photo above!

I can honestly say I have had the best time – life changing in fact.

So why not go for broke and make 2010 the year you say yes to life and no to fear? Who knows what might happen, but it’s guaranteed to be interesting.

I will be back on the blog now – so please call again soon. I have some exciting changes in store for this site including a gym where you will find weekly writing exercises and a garage sale – where I will actually be giving stuff away for free…

 
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