Tales from the Tube – Part 3

Okay, I’ve found something even more annoying than people who read over your shoulder on the train – people who fall asleep on your shoulder on the train.

Last night I was sat on the tube minding my own business – staring out of the window if you must know, as I no longer bother reading (see previous Tales from the Tube trauma) when a middle aged gentleman sat down beside me.

About two minutes later I became aware of his arm pressing against mine. I carried on ‘minding my own business’ but then felt something touch my shoulder.

It was his head.

He had fallen asleep practically the second he sat down and was now snoring gently upon my shoulder.

Being British I sat there all stiff and upright and indignant – and did nothing.

I thought plenty though, especially when a young couple got on the train and sat down opposite us. The woman looked at me and then at the balding, grey-haired man snoozing on my shoulder and gave us a smile.

Then the awful truth dawned – she assumed we were together. The guy looked old enough to be my father. Perhaps she thought  he was my father – asleep and drooling on my shoulder. Or maybe she thought  he was my much older partner. My much older, balding, drooling, snoring partner!

The train jolted over a bump in the track and I took the opportunity to give my snoozing shoulder-squatter a hefty nudge. The man jolted awake with a snort and looked at me aghast.

‘Sorry,’ he muttered.

‘No problem,’ I lied, wiping the drool from my coat.

The man then edged as far as was humanly possible away from me until he was perched on the very end of the seat.

Which was all fine – until he promptly nodded off again and clattered arse over bald patch on to the floor…

Got it Covered

I just signed off the cover for my new book Dear Dylan and thought you might be interested in seeing the progression from the very first biro sketch:

Original artist's sketch

… to finished product:

Finished product

The cover for Dear Dylan was designed by illustrator Michael Hill, who also designed the cover for my last book with Hodder & Stoughton, The Scene Stealers. Working on this cover with him was a really fascinating process and I can’t recommend him highly enough.

Breathlessness Killed the Radio Star

In a comical postscript to my last blog, yesterday morning somebody texted me to say that Vanessa Feltz was going to be discussing the kids on Facebook debate on her radio show. They suggested I phone up the studio and talk about the line I take on that subject in my new book.

The problem was I only got the text when the show had already started.

And I had just got back from a long run.

And I was VERY out of breath.

I turned the radio on and sure enough they were discussing Facebook so I called the studio immediately.

Within seconds a producer had answered the phone and our subsequent conversation went something like this:-

Producer: Hello, you’re through to the Vanessa Feltz show, how can I help you?

Me: Gasp, gasp - Hello - gasp - I understand you’re talking about the kids on Facebook debate - gasp.

Producer: Yes.

Me: Gasp - Well I’ve just written a book – gasp – about a kid – gasp – who makes friends with a much older person online – gasp – and – gasp – I’d like to talk about the positive – gasp – side of kids making friends online – gasp.

It was at about this point that I realised my breathlessness from my run was having the rather unfortunate effect of making me sound like a sex pest. 

A sex pest who had just rung a BBC radio station to talk about the great friendships kids can make with older people online.

The producer took my number, but strangely enough they didn’t call back.

Maybe they’ll give me a ring when they’re doing a show on asthma?

Give Kids a Break

Right now the newspapers and phone-in shows are buzzing with the latest horror to befall our children – social networking site Facebook.

A 17 year old girl was lured to her death by a sex offender posing as a teenage boy on the site so now parents everywhere are wringing their hands in despair.

I’ve heard parents talking about the best ways to snoop on their teenage children’s internet habits and exchanging tips on how to censor certain sites.

Then, on last night’s news, I heard that some schools are installing CCTV cameras in their toilets. For the children’s protection.

Oh really?

Am I the only parent who thinks there’s  something very wrong about all of this?

Firstly, if our generation weren’t so busy ‘having it all’ and had a bit more time for our kids would they feel the need to create online communities?

And if we had the sense to allow our kids the same kind of freedom we had growing up ie; PLAYING OUT and PHYSICALLY SEEING THEIR FRIENDS would they feel the need to befriend faceless profiles on Bebo or Facebook?

How many parents reading this can honestly say that there haven’t been moments when they’ve felt relieved that little Johnny or Jackie have been busy online while they juggle making dinner, finishing a report, checking homework, cleaning the budgie etc?

We can’t have it all ways.

And as a parent whose son has been setting up sports websites and forums since he was ten years old I think the internet can be an amazing place for kids. My son has made friends all over the world and has developed a remarkable talent for web design thanks to his time spent online.

And yes, one of those ‘friends’ could be a ‘monster’ attempting to groom him. But then so could the man next door. Or the family friend. Or indeed the member of the family.

How do we serve our children by putting the fear of God into them all the time?

How do we raise confident, free thinking individuals if hysteria causes us to keep our kids cooped up in their bedrooms and then censor their every communication with the outside world?

This subject is of particular interest to me as in my upcoming novel for teens, Dear Dylan, the main character, a 14 year old girl, befriends someone online – shock horror – an adult. During the course of the book, this girl makes the decision to meet up with the older woman in person. This is a decision she makes once she has had ample proof of the woman’s identity and she meets her in a very public and safe place.

The friendship that they form is supportive and life changing for both of them.

Proving that not all adults are monsters.

And not all friendships formed on the internet are bogus.

Surely making informed decisions like the one my character makes is all a part of growing up?

And as long as parents give their kids the tools necessary to make such decisions then we shouldn’t need to keep them under lock and key. Or film them on the toilet. Or scare the hell out of them at every opportunity.

That to me is the real abuse.

Because-tume Drama

I was recently giving my book a final edit before sending it to the publishers and I decided to make a change to the dialogue of the main character.

All through the book I had her saying ‘cos’ instead of ‘because’ but decided that actually it would work better if I reversed this.

So, in order to make sure I didn’t miss any, I used the ‘Find and Replace’ facility in Word and pressed ‘Find and Replace All’.

Sorted.

Or so I thought.

It was only when I carried on with my edit that I discovered the terrible truth.

The book is all about the production of a play. A play involving  a stage, a script, props and, of course, costumes.

Or ‘becausetumes’ as they had now become.

I was telling some writer friends about this at the weekend, hoping I’d get some sympathy, but oh no, all I got was hysterical laughter and really hilarious jokes such as: ‘good job the character didn’t play for the Broncos – or the Bronbecauses!’ ‘Good job she didn’t love cos lettuce. Can you imagine – “she made herself a bacon and because sandwich he he he!”‘

I nearly a-because-ted them, I can tell you!

I don’t know, sometimes it feels like all this modern technology that is meant to make our lives easier only ends up making it a whole lot more complicated. What say you…?

PS: HOROSCOPE WATCH – No shocking proposal so so far it’s one-nil to me. According to today’s stars my moon is ‘sextile’ and therefore I’m going to be tying up some loose ends. Getting rid of all those ‘becausetumes’ perhaps?

Talking out of Uranus?

This morning, on a particularly tedious tube journey across London, I found myself reading the horoscopes in the free paper.

The following line in my forecast caught my eye:

‘Your personal life is subject to a proposal, which will shock even you!’

The first thought that entered my head was, could Neil Diamond be about to realise the error of his ways? Then various other, more x-rated visions started flitting before my eyes.

Let me tell you at this point that crowded tube carriages mid rush hour are not exactly conducive to fantasies of a carnal nature, unless of course you have a penchant for sticking your face in smelly armpits or being told to ‘mind the gap’.

Anyway, I then got to thinking that it might be fun to conduct an experiment. Every day for the coming week I am going to log down my horoscopes and report back on whether or not they come true. 

Off now to await my ‘shocking’ proposal!