Pet Hates…

One thing I really, really hate is when people start reading my newspaper or book over my shoulder on the tube.

I don’t mind it so much when they do this subtly, keeping their head fixed firmly forwards whilst sliding their eyes at right angles down to your page. But it’s when they make no effort whatsoever to disguise their downright nosiness that it really gets my goat.

Of course, being British I am far to polite / uptight / stiff upper lipped to actually say anything to these over the shoulder violators, however I have recently happened upon the perfect solution, which not only ensures that no-one dare invade my personal space, it also seems to guarantee that I enjoy the luxury of an empty seat beside me for most of my journey.

Two weeks ago I purchased a ‘How To’ book to help with the re-write of my thriller. It is crammed full of juicy headings such as ’WHEN TO KILL VICTIM NUMBER ONE‘ and ‘DISPOSAL OF THE MURDER WEAPON.’

Now, the minute anyone starts craning their neck to get a better view of my reading material, rather than hug it to me as I used to, I very helpfully move it over until it is practically in their lap. Then I start muttering and giggling under my breath and uttering random words like, ‘blood’ and ‘die’. 

For some bizarre reason it works a treat!