Sniffer Dogs
Posted in Uncategorized on 10/13/2009 10:39 pm by siobhanSniffer Dogs
A couple of weeks ago I had coffee with a friend and she told me all about a nightmare she is currently enduring.
My friend works in the same office as her boyfriend – and a woman who clearly wants to bed her boyfriend.
Every day she has to endure this woman’s blatant come ons to her partner and every day she has to keep her mouth shut and retain her cool so that she doesn’t appear a ‘neurotic girlfriend’.
Meanwhile, unable to show anything like as much restraint, the other woman flirts and coos with her man with gay abandon.
I call these kind of women ‘sniffer dogs’. Sniffer because thats what they like to do around other women’s partners and dogs because…
I sympathised with my friend over bucket-sized mugs of cappuccino, wondered out loud about why these types of women have no respect for the ‘sisterhood’ and offered good, constructive, coach type advice, such as snap the silly cow’s stillettos and stick her head through the shredder.
Then today something horrible happened. I learnt that I have a ‘sniffer dog’ of my very own to contend with.
My boyfriend has a female friend who lives in another country and who regularly emails him.
Now I’m pretty laid back when it comes to this kind of thing and didn’t think too much of it until one day, a couple of months ago when he expressed some concern at why she was emailing him so much.
An alarm bell sounded in my head – but it was more of the pocket travel clock variety than a full on siren – so I let it go.
Then, about a month ago she came over to Britain and I met her for the first time.
She was as nice as pie (bullshit pie as it transpires, but at the time I was won over).
But today I happened to see a selection of the emails she has been sending my boyfriend (of five years) and it was the verbal equivalent of eating Death By Chocolate with a syrup chaser.
Her pet names for my boyfriend are, Mr Gorgeous, Mr Handsome and Mr Charming. And although the emails are full of the kind of news that any friends would exchange, a sticky seam of schmaltz runs throughout all of them, declaring my boyfriend to be the most gorgeous, cheeky, talented man who ever lived. Which of course he is – but there are some things only a girlfriend is allowed to say.
My boyfriend for his part has done absolutely nothing to encourage this – waxing lyrical about the joys of life with me in every one of his replies.
But to some women the existence of a girlfriend / fiancee / wife means nothing.
The most infuriating thing about this whole sick-making incident is the fact that even after she met me she was straight back online emailing her ‘Mr Gorgeous’ and hoping that maybe they could meet up before she went back home.
I’m not writing this blog in the hope that she’ll read it – she is so self obsessed I don’t think I even registered on her radar.
I just wanted to let off a bit of steam.
Am I naive for thinking that us women should stick together and respect each other’s boundaries?
Am I stupid for thinking that she was nice?
10/14/2009 at 2:31 pm
The one thing that might reassure you is that we men don’t even notice when women are playing that kind of game. We put it down to “just being kind of friendly, I dunno?”
I understand that it is hard to believe, but in my (much) younger days there were occasions when my dearly beloved dragged me from a social gathering hissing that some hussy was putting the moves on me and every time I said “Blimey, I wish I had realised at the time.” Apparently that sort of reaction doesn’t win a feller any favours.
As to why women do it, who knows? You might as well ask why men will mix together five different spirits and down them in one while singing “Hold him down, you Zulu warrior”, or what compels them to eat a whole six-pack* of Mister Kipling mince pies in one sitting. Some people are just gentically hard-wired that way.
I do love the description “sniffer dog” by the way. But for literary sophistication, you could just dismiss her with the title of the John Ford play; “‘Tis Pity She’s A Whore”.
10/14/2009 at 2:33 pm
* erm, that’s “eight pack” when they are on October pre-Xmas promotion. I feel slightly icky.
10/14/2009 at 3:49 pm
OOOOOoooooo, I fear I’m about to make myself unpopular but my view on Sniffer Dogs as you so poetically call them is – “Be my guest and have a go, if you really must.”
My wrath is saved entirely for the feller if he dares to notice or consider her come-on for a nano second.
I don’t get women who after their man has been unfaithful in thought or deed try and pin it on their sisters. If a bloke is with someone he should keep his extremeties to himself whatever the provocation ! And vice versa. So simple, eh ?
Anna May x
10/14/2009 at 9:07 pm
Hey, I subscribe to your blog on reader. I really enjoyed this post (despite the circumstances) and wanted to chime in with my perspective as a guy. Also, all due respect to other commenter Mike Deller, but I’m going to completely contradict him. I notice a British spelling in his comments, so perhaps us American men are different from our British counterparts.
Basically, the message I’d like to convey is that men know exactly what “sniffer dog” women are doing. Really. We know it and we like it. Who wouldn’t like that kind of attention?
The trouble is that we don’t want to admit that we know, even to ourselves, because that means that the fun will end. Every man could outright say to the woman that she is speaking to him inappropriately and she needs to stop. But few do. Because we like it. We don’t want it to stop. The ones who stop it are those I’ll call Real Men.
Also, naturally we wouldn’t admit this to women; not only because we barely admit it to ourselves, but because if we swear blissful innocence to you, we get to keep our sniffer dog. We get to let someone chase us. Remember in grade school when girls chased the boys? Did any boy admit that he liked it? Newsflash: We liked it.
The very fact that your boyfriend continues to correspond with this woman even though she hits on him constantly and continuously is a sign that he enjoys the attention. Does this make him disloyal? Maybe a little. But not much unless he actually acts on it or leads this woman on to think that she has a chance at getting him.
I’m letting you in on this HUGE secret about men, one that may outcast me from my own kind. But you need to know. In full disclosure, I am not a Real Man as I described above. I’m weak, and I like the attention. It’s certainly stimulating. I have no such sniffer dogs in my life right now, not for a while, and I feel more pure for it.
But should one come along, I’ll listen to her, indulge her sweet nothings. A little bit. I won’t act on it, and I’ll barely admit to myself that something is amiss. But I’ll know. We all know. (Sorry Mike!)
10/14/2009 at 9:51 pm
Hi Jamey – thanks for the confession and the subscription. So you guys like being sniffed around huh? I have to admit I had my suspicions that was the terrible truth – although I so badly want to believe Mike! I’m glad that you are going through a pure, sniffer free phase though…
10/14/2009 at 9:57 pm
Oh yes. We like being sniffed.
I should mention one good side of being sniffed–it gets our juices flowing (hormones, that is). Not that our hormones aren’t already flowing for those we love, but it’s a turbo boost to know you’re wanted by somebody else. As long as the man doesn’t stray, this may add some extra excitement to his actual relationship.
At least, that’s how I justify it. See! We try to find ways to justify it so we can have our cake and nibble it too!
10/14/2009 at 9:59 pm
Also, I’m curious: Do women like being “sniffed,” as you say? Will you allow for a non-boyfriend, straight male to fawn over you? Do you admit to yourself that his intentions aren’t pure, but you put up with them anyway because you enjoy the attention?
10/14/2009 at 10:05 pm
Ha ha – excellent justification! And no, of course not – us ‘non sniffer’ types absolutely hate the thought of a male fawning over us. ‘Stop it immediately!’ we are prone to yell before scurrying off to the nearest church to pray for his sniffer soul…