Agony Aren’t
Posted in Uncategorized on 10/31/2009 04:51 pm by siobhanAgony Aren’t
It has come to my attention, dear blogees, that there is something sorely missing from this site. I can only assume that you have been way too polite to mention it to me before.
There is no advice column.
Now I’m not for one minute implying that you are all emotional wrecks in need of saving, but, you know, we all go through various agonies at one stage or another in our lives and I feel it only right and proper that I offer my help and support.
However, I feel I ought to let you know the inspiration behind this new venture and the school of agony auntdom that I am a student of.
After reading a most insightful article about advice columns over the years I have decided that the style of ‘agony’ most close to my heart (and the one that would give me the most fun) would be from the Girl’s Companion circa 1908.
In order to get the ball rolling and to give you a taster of the type of advice you can expect please allow me to share with you the following letter and response taken from its pages and not altered in ANY way:-
Problem Letter:
“Is there any harm in a young lady permitting a gentleman whom she met at the seashore, and to whom she has not been formally introduced, to see her home?”
Agony Aunt’s Reply:
“My dears, there are few graver follies committed by the thoughtless and heedless than forming the acquaintance of strangers in the way you describe. Unfortunately men are not labelled, informing the world at large, women in particular, of their calling. The handsome, debonair, well-dressed, agreeable young man may be the daring thief who broke into your house last year; or the highwayman who held up your next door neighbour only the month before, leaving him for dead on the pavement from a blow from a concealed, murderous pair of brass knuckles which he usually carries with him. Or he may be an escaped madman who has just broken out of an insane asylum. Such people have a peculiar mania for making the acquaintance of young girls wherever they come across them and their real condition is not discovered until some terrible deed has been accomplished by them. The girl who will flirt and talk to a stranger, honourable young men shun when they are looking for a wife. Remember that.
Hmm – so I guess that’s a no then?!
If you would like to post your problems / questions via this blog I would be delighted to offer you equally detailed and no nonsense advice.
I look forward to hearing from you my dears and in the mean time girls remember this – no talking or flirting if you are looking to find Mr Right!
11/02/2009 at 9:21 pm
Dear Agony Aunt,
Last evening, whilst sitting in the parlour with my fiance, he informed me that he could wait no longer and that if he did not taste my sweet lips on his then the engagement was off and we would never be married. I was brought up to believe that kissing before marriage is a sin but I am so afraid of losing him. Should I allow him to have his way?
Yours sincerely,
Worried of Worthing.
PS: We have been engaged for only three and a half years.
11/03/2009 at 9:44 am
And they say internet dating is dangerous!
11/03/2009 at 2:55 pm
My dear,
Never mind kissing before marriage – have you never heard that sitting in one’s parlour with a man before marriage is a mortal sin – not to mention horribly dangerous. What if the man in question happened to be a reckless cut-throat? What if he harboured a dangerous thirst for skullduggery and treason? What if he votes Conservative?!! My dear, I am surprsied that one from a place as genteel as Worthing should be indulging in such reckless practices, never mind entertaining foolish notions of letting the vagabond ‘taste your sweet lips’! Shame on you, you harlot. I suggest you take up needle point and abandon all notions of lip tasting – right now!!!
Aren’t Agony x
12/01/2009 at 2:06 pm
Dear Agony aunt,
I think there is something wrong with my male companion. I very foolishly allowed him to walk me back to my hotel one night and he did NOT try to murder me. I have recently spent nearly 2 weeks with him and I am still alive, not only that but my passport and credit cards remain pure and untouched. Do you think he needs help?
Also I wonder if you could help my friend Crystal. Her boyfriend wants to hold hands WITHOUT GLOVES ON. She thinks there may be a deep symbolism in this as he has mentioned that he is allergic to rubber.
Ravished of Ruislip
12/07/2009 at 10:51 pm
Dear Ravished,
I think your male companion might be batting for the other side. To have made it home with your hymen, dignity and credit card all intact there really is no other possible explanation. As for your friend – tell her to run for the hills with her gloves firmly in place and if possible attached to her coat by a piece of elastic. An ‘allergy to rubber’ suggests a dark and sinister character indeed. One who turns to dust at the mere mention of the Child Support Agency…
Yours sincerely,
Aren’t Agony x